Just say no to naked vampires
by alexywill22
Summary: While something strange starts to happen in Sunnydale, Buffy loses her Spike! This will set up a whole deal of whacky adventures! Complete. Please rad and review. I beg you!
1. Bleach blonde sex!

This is mostly a season 7 parody. But with a little twist! just read it

**Part 1. Bleach blonde sex. **

Buffy was sitting at her desk at the school, she was determine to take this job seriously, considering she quit her job at the Doulemeat Palace before finding out it paid more than a part time counselor with no college education.

"I can sooo be a grownup. I'll show them" Buffy said as she drew little hearts and stars in the students files on her desk.

Then, Anya walked in the office, with her brunette hair, and headed to Buffy's desk "Buffy, I have something important to tell you"

"Ooh I like your hair like that" Buffy complimented.

"Really? Because if you prefer me blonde I can change it back" Before Buffy could say anything Anya left. 30 minutes later Anya was back, now blonde "Better?"

"Sure why not?" The slayer said as she did her trademark eye-rolling "What did you want to tell me?"

"Oh right. I thought you might want to know this because you're the vampire slayer and all" Anya said loudly in a room full of people. But is not like the people of Sunnydale pay attention to what's going on around them "A large group of vampires are having sex around the school"

"But it's morning. Vampires go puff" The slayer said innocently.

"I know. But these vampires are out there screwing each other silly. But there's more, these are all bleach blonde male vampires" Said the vengeance demon thinking she should try that hair color.

"Bleach blonde male vampires are having sex in broad daylight around the school? This sounds like a job for the Scooby gang" Buffy stated and she and Anya headed to Buffy's house.

At the Summer's household, Dawn was coming down the stairs, even though it was a school day as we just saw on the previous scene, but is not like the editors of this show pay attention to these insignificant facts.

Dawn walks into the kitchen, where Willow and Tara are making out. Dawn's suddenly confuse "Wait a minute, you were dead"

The couple separates and looks at Dawn confuse as well "Who was dead?" said Willow as she wrote a note on the fridge that said she was gay, you know in case anyone forgot.

"Tara! She was killed off three months ago!"

"I was dead?" Said a very confuse Tara.

"It was a plot device of last season. The reason Willow went back to using magic"

"When was I not using magic?" The redhead said as she floated some dishes around in a gay way.

"When you got addicted!"

The young couple laughs at Dawn's statement "Magic's addicted? That's just stupid, sweetie" Tara told Dawn in her most nurturing way.

"And why would someone killed off Tara. That would be the stupidest mistake ever made. One would be unbelievably dumb to use Tara's death to get me back to using magic. Magic that's addicted. The same magic we've been using all these years" Willow stated.

Dawn was gonna argue but she have to admit that Tara being kill off and magic being addicted would just be the worst plots ever. Ever.

Suddenly, Anya and Buffy walk in "We have a problem. Bleach blonde male vampires are having sex around the school" Buffy said as she put her hands on her hips to look in charge.

"In the middle of the day?" Tara asks sweetly. Buffy nodded as she rolled her eyes for no reason what so ever "But how?" The witch asks again.

"That's what we need to find out. Willow do you have any idea of why this is happening?" Buffy asks the freeloader living at her house-I mean, her friend.

"Hello? Gay now!" The girls didn't understand what that had to do with anything "Don't know nothing about naked men" The witch added.

"What about Oz?" Dawn asks so people would look at her. Nobody did.

"What about Oz?" Buffy asks. Dawn decided to cut herself so people would look at her. Nobody did.

"Who's Oz?" Willow asks confuse.

Tara put her hand on her lover's shoulder and sweetly answered her question "Your ex-boyfriend, honey"

"What are you talking about? I'm gay! I've always been gay. Ask Joss"

Then, Joss Whedon stood from his director's chair and stepped into the scene "Willow's always been gay. She's been gay since season one" After his statement he returned to his chair.

"See? Told you" Willow said proudly as she inappropriately touch Tara.

"Whatever. But we need to figure this out, 'cause this needs figuring" The slayer demanded.

Then, Xander walked in, because his also part of the show, although some people forget "Hey Everybody! I got news. Bleach blonde male vampires are having sex in broad daylight around the school"

"We know" Anya told her ex-fiancée "That's why we're here"

"But, there's more. Their wild and physically impossible sex destroyed one of the buildings of the school" Xander told his friends.

"Bleach blonde male vampires are having sex that can take down buildings?" Buffy thought, suddenly realizing who to go to "Spike! He probably has something to do with this.

"How do you know that's Spike has something to do with it?" Xander ask. The girls gave him an annoyed look because he didn't get it, as usual.

Buffy decides to go to the school basement to look for Spike. They all walk back to the high school even though Xander and Buffy's cars were park right in front of the house.

The gang got to the basement, but Spike didn't seem to be there. After many minutes of looking under boxes, they deduce he wasn't there. But just before they left Buffy found a note from Spike.

"Dear Pet, I've gone. Ever since I got this bloody soul back, I started the get the need to brood. So I'm going to see peaches at LA, so he can teach me how to be a brood master like him"

The gang looked at each other. They knew what was coming next. They're crossing over to the WB.


	2. The Powers That Gross out!

**Part 2. The Powers that gross out.**

Buffy, Xander, Willow, Anya, Tara and Dawn, guest star-I mean, enter the Hyperion Hotel. They find Angel fixing his hair in front of a mirror. Dawn thought in pointing out how that didn't make sense, since Angel's a vampire and therefor has no reflection, but then she remembers that in this show things make less sense that in theirs.

Angel looked up to the crowd "Hey everybody! Have you seen Cordy?"

Buffy rolls her eyes and looks back at Angel "Angel, this may be your show, but this is about my problem. Me, just me and nobody else but me. I need to find Spike"

Angel puts his best stun face, but it just looks like he's constipated "Are you all here to find Spike?" All of them nod in agreement "Oh. I see"

Willow went to console Angel "Angel is ok. I'm gay now" Angel didn't know what that had to do with anything.

"Good for you?"

Willow proceeded to kiss her girlfriend, but a strange invisible force seems to be between them "No! I can't kiss Tara! But I'm gay!" Willow said as she tried to inappropriately touch Tara.

Suddenly, Lilah comes into the hotel and hands over contracts to the Scoobies "You can't kiss on this network" The evil lawyer explain.

"But we've kiss here before" Tara told her.

"Yes, but that was because Buffy's mom died, you were grieving. You can't kiss just to kiss here" Lilah told the couple.

"What can we do then?" Willow asks desperately wanting to demonstrate she's gay.

Lilah read the contract "You can do spells that are an innuendo of you having a sexual relationship" Lilah stated then left. Tara consoled Willow in a not too gay way.

Suddenly, Gunn, Fred, Connor, Lorne and Wesley all come in the room for no apparent reason. Angel decides to introduce his staff "Everybody, this is Lorne the singing demon, Wesley not to be mistaken with the Wesley you use to have, Fred our desperate attempt for a Willow, Gunn the token black guy and my plot hole-I mean, son Connor"

Buffy was immediately outrage "You have a son! YOU HAVE A SON! What was the whole I can't give you a family speech? Were you trying to weasel out of our relationship?"

"I can't have kids. Well, I can. But just this once" Angel tried to explain.

Buffy rolled her eyes at Angel, then she walked up to Connor and rolled her eyes at him.

"When did this happen?" Willow asks.

"Last year, Angel and Darla had sex and she got pregnant because Angel has a soul. He grew up in a hell dimension with an old enemy of Angel after he stole him, and now he's 18 and hates Angel" Fred yammered

Dawn, who was desperate for attention, decided to talk "Wait! He grew up in a few weeks? That's dumber than I being a mystical ball of energy"

Connor jumps to Dawn and threatens her with his knife "Demon"

"I'm not a demon" Said a very scared Dawn.

"Oh if only Cordy were here to glow and cure him" Lorne wish.

"What do you mean by 'glow'?" Asks a usually confuse Xander.

The Fang gang didn't now how to answer that question, Fred decided to yammer some more "Cordelia took a demon part so she could have the visions from The Powers That Be. She developed a glowing power that cured people's souls. She's in heaven now"

Buffy was outrage yet again "She DIED! That's what I do! Is my THING! MINE!"

Lorne tries to calm the slayer down "It's ok, honey cakes, she didn't die, she became a higher being" The Scoobies were confuse "Yeah, we know it's stupid" Lorne added.

Xander decides to let us change scenes "I wonder what she's doing right now?"

In heaven, Cordelia was talking to The Powers That Be. Surprisingly they look like network executives and writers "I have a bone to pick with you" Glow-y Cordy said as she floated to them "What the hell have you guys turn me into? I don't even seem like the real Cordelia anymore. And what is up with this terrible haircut? I mean, are you on crack or something? What's next for me? Are you gonna send me back to have sex with Connor?" The Powers that Be took this as a great idea and in a flash of light Cordelia was back at the hotel "Cordy!" Everyone said.

"I'm back!" Cordelia sees, she then turns her attention to Connor "Why hello there" Cordy said as she proceeded to grope Connor.

Angel began to brood at this. The rest was just kind of gross out. Willow suddenly gets a bright idea "I know what we could do!" Willow grabs Tara and takes their clothes off. The witches start to chant as they rub each other.

So... while Cordy and Connor have sex on Angel's desk, and Willow and Tara do their spell to insinuate that they're gay, Buffy gets angry. All she wants is to find Spike. So, she starts to search the hotel by herself.

So... Angel continued to watch his love and his son have sex in front of him. Gunn and Xander start to videotape the lesbian spell. Wesley got exited with all the sex and goes look for Lilah. Lorne and Dawn painted their nails and talked about boys at the corner. Anya tele-ported out of there, noticing she wasn't getting any lines. Fred just watches all the craziness around her and wonders what is she still doing there, since she's the only one of all of them who can get a life.

Cordelia and Connor finish their disgusting hot loving and Cordy runs out of the hotel "Wait, mommy, spank me. I've been a naughty boy" Connor says as he tries to follow but trips over the lesbian spell. Gunn and Xander are disappointed when Willow and Tara put their clothes back on after the interruption. Everyone looks mad at Connor "Nobody wants me" He sneer.

"Nobody wants me either" Dawn said as she realize just how alike she and Connor really were.

Angel, who was still broody, saw Buffy coming down the stair "Buffy! Did you find Spike!" he asks desperate to change the subject.

"No. I search every room, he's not here" The slayer pouted.

"Well, Cordy's missing too" Angel offers.

"Oh no, we're here to find Spike"

"But, she's the new love of my life!"

"But he has fabulous washboard abs!"

"This is my show!"

"That's a spin off from mine!"

Tara, being the only sane person there, offers a compromise "I say we split off in two groups. One too look for Spike and one for Cordelia, sweeties"

They all agreed. Buffy picks her team "I get Xander, Tara, Fred and Lorne"

"That leaves me with Gunn, Willow, my broken condom and the whining brat" Angel said as he escorts his team out to look for Cordy.


	3. Back to the original

**Part 3. Back to the original.**

Buffy had put her team into research-mode. Tara was doing a vampire locator spell, because they have a locator spell for everything. Fred was doing complicated calculations on the different positions Spike can take during sex. Xander, of course, went to get doughnuts and Lorne was buying her 50 new stylish yet affordable outfits. Buffy decided to practice her slayer poses.

Fred was getting uncomfortable with her job "Why do we need to know Spike's sexual positions?"

"Because" The slayer answered.

At some, other part in LA, Angel drove his team around in his car looking for Cordy. Willow was at the backseat with Connor and Dawn, telling them all the gay things she's done. Gunn decided he wasn't just going to be a stereotype, so he refuse to say 'that is whack', so naturally he got kick off the show.

Angel was desperate to find Cordy, that is until he sees a sale on hair gel and just has to stop. Willow got stuck babysitting "So anyone have something to gay about? I mean say. Sorry, it's just that I'm gay now" Willow said while thinking in Tara's breast.

"When am I getting another story-line? I was the key that can separate dimensions and now I'm nothing?" Whine Dawn.

"What about me? My existence doesn't make sense" Sneer Connor.

The teenagers turn to the witch for answers. Willow thought, long and hard, and of course gay, about how to help them. Suddenly she got a bright idea "I know what we can do. I'll just return you two to what you were"

The two unbelievably annoying characters didn't understand what she meant, so Dawn reacted like she always did "get out, get out, GET OUT!"

"I am out. Didn't you get my e-mails? I'm gay now" Willow said in a totally gay way, then she remembered what she was gonna do "I'm gonna turn you back to a ball of energy so you don't bother us and I'm turning Connor back into a baby so he can't get Cordy pregnant and evil"

"What? I don't want to be a ball of energy! I can barely get attention like this" Shriek Dawn.

"Hekate, Hekate, I summon thee, bring lots of special effects and return everything like it was before" Some CGI lights shoot from Willow's hands to the teens direction, but instead of hitting them they flow away "Oops, I guess I mess up"

Meanwhile, Cordelia walked through a cemetery, to remind everyone that this is a show about vampires. She was disgusted with herself for sleeping with Connor. I mean, she used to change his diapers not long ago for God sakes. What the hell is wrong with you Joss?! Did you really think we forgot about that?!

Cordelia didn't know what happen to her. She used to be a queen bitch, and now she was a glowing saint demon with a terrible haircut. Then, she spots something shiny heading her way. It's Willow's CGI lights. The lights hit Cordelia and she start to glow in a good way.

Angel returns to the car with five boxes of hair gel. He puts them in the car and notices that Willow outside the car and she looks worried "What happen? Is Cordy pregnant with my son's hell spawn or something?" Angel asks.

Dawn, needed some more attention "Willow try to turn us back, but her spell miss and flew away" She stated.

"It's that bad?" Angel asks stupidly, because he's stupid.

Before anyone can say anything, the beautiful, smart, sexy, queen bitch Buffy-season-3 Cordelia walks to them "I'm back, and this time for real, and wearing something that's actually flattering" The real Cordy said.

"Cordelia Chase" Angel checks out the new love of his life.

"Forget it Angel, never gonna happen. I mean, why would I go for someone as broody as you?" The real Cordy very smartly pointed out.

Willow, who was gay, was also checking out Cordelia "How did this happen?"

"Your spell. It change me back to my original self" Cordelia explain as she tries to get Angel and Willow to stop touching her.

"Was your original self gay?" Willow asks hopefully while thinking in another gay spell.

"Ok, that's it. Willow enough with the gay thing. You use to like men too" Cordy said.

"What are you talking about? I'm gay-" Before Willow could come out for the 100th time, Cordelia threw some leftover CGI lights to her. Willow started to glow and remember "I dated Oz! I remember him now!" Willow said in an almost gay way.

Just like that Seth Green walks up to them "Hey guys" said the former cast member.

"Oz you're back" Willow said in a not too gay way.

"Yes. Now that you finally recognize him as your ex-boyfriend he can make guest appearances on the show" Cordelia explains.

Angel was about to invite Oz to be one of his champions, when he notices his car is gone. Connor and Dawn stole it "No! The kids took my car! And my HAIR GEL!"

"We'll have to walk back" Willow offers.

The group is forced to walk back to the hotel, Cordelia in very expensive heels. They finally arrive an hour later. They find Buffy's team watching Freddie Price Jr. Movies for no apparent reason "What the hell are you doing?!" Angel said angry because his gel was stolen.

"Buffy thought we could promote her boyfriend's carrier-I mean, use a break from research" Said Xander while stuffing his mouth with food. Any kind. He wasn't picky.

"What?! Shouldn't you be finding Spike! I mean, that is the basic plot of this story!" Angel reminded them.

"Yes" Oz added in his monotone way.

"Why do you want to find Spike anyway?" Asks the real Cordelia.

"Male vampires are having sex that can take down buildings in broad daylight around the school" Buffy tells them.

"Oh, I see why you're looking for Spike" Angel said loudly. Everybody looks at him curious.

"How do you know why?" Buffy asks him.

"You said bleach blonde" He tries to cover.

"No I didn't" Buffy states.

Before Angel's sexuality can be doubted even further, Fred interrupts "Wait! I found something about Spike. It's a prophecy. I found it in this book 'Prophecies for dummies'. It says he went to England"

They all decide to go to England. All except for Lorne. He decided to stay and throw demon orgy parties at the hotel.


	4. The other side of Rupert Giles!

A/N: i dont know if there´s someone still reading this, but Im finishing this fic! If someone takes the time to read it, thank you, and please review me so I know someone read it.

**Part 4. The other side of Rupert Giles.**

The group of Scoobies and Champions appeared in England, thanks to Willow's spell. Since is daylight Angel has to stay under a tree. Willow and Tara remember they took England to UPN, they're back on their network, so they start having graphic sex. The real Cordelia decides to blow them off and check some European store, like the real Cordelia would and she takes Xander so he can buy her stuff.

So, Buffy, Fred and Oz decide to look for Giles. They followed the big signs that say 'Rupert Giles, Buffy Summers former watcher this way'. After a few minutes, they find Giles's place. Buffy kicks the door down. Why? Because she has anger issues. I mean, knock first sometimes slayer. They enter the flat, and hear some very strange moaning noises coming from upstairs "What is that?" Ask a very creep out Fred.

"Sounds like me and Spike last season" Buffy said as she remembers those days.

"Man, do you like dead guys" Oz pointed out.

The trio goes up the stairs. They find a door that say 'do not enter', so naturally Buffy kicks it down. Some smokes comes out of the room to reveal Giles, Ethan Rayne, Phantom Joyce, Phantom Jenny Calendar and Michael Jackson are having a very weird magical sex orgy. Buffy was outrage "Giles! You're having wild sex! I'm the one who has wild sex! It's my THING!" Buffy said as she punch Michael Jackson's face.

"Dear lord" Giles said as he cleans his glasses, which was the only thing he was wearing.

"Yeah! Told you Giles was a wild man" Oz teases.

"This is very uncomfortable" Fred says as she tries not to look at the naked people.

Giles moves some crystal and the ghost women disappear. Ethan picks up his clothes and leaves. Buffy throws Michael Jackson's body out the window and turns to roll her eyes at her former watcher "What the hell is going on here Giles?!" the slayer demanded.

Giles puts a robe on and explains to the group "You weren't meant to see that"

"I understand why my mother and Ms. Calendar, I even understand Ethan, but why Michael Jackson?"

"I'm a very troubled man" Giles tries to explain "I spend the last five years hanging around teenagers"

"Is this why you were so desperate to leave the show?" Buffy asks.

"Buffy, I rather not discuss this" Giles avoided.

"Fine. We need to find Spike. Where is he?" Buffy said.

"How should I know?" Giles stated.

"Well, you are the only former cast-member that lives here" Buffy stated.

"Wait. That was the only reason we came here?" Fred asks fed up with Buffy's stupidity "Why don't we look for Spike around the city" She offers.

Buffy started to think on how would they get around. Suddenly, a crash is heard from downstairs. The group runs down the stairs, well, actually they stumble into each other and fall down the stair, well, actually their stunt-doubles fall down the stair, they just wait down.

The crash was cause by Angel's car. Dawn and Connor made to England "Dawn, how did you get here so fast?" The slayer asks her annoying sister.

"We used the same way that Spike used last season to get to Africa in a day" Dawn said as she got out of the car to reveal she was pregnant.

Buffy eyes widen "You borrowed MY sweater! And you stretch it" Buffy said angrily.

"Don't you see that Connor got her pregnant?" Fred pointed out to Buffy.

"Buffy's going to be an aunt" Oz teases.

"She's my family" Connor sneer.

"Then that means you're MY family. Because Dawn's a part of ME" Buffy stated.

Angel comes into the house. What? How he got out from under the tree? I don't know. I wasn't there. Maybe he stole an umbrella from an old lady or something.

Angel checks to see if the boxes of hair gel are fine. After he counts them 200 times, he grabs Connor and starts to spank him "Do NOT touch daddy's HAIR GEL!" He says while spanking his hell spawn.

"Yes daddy. I'm been a bad boy" Connor said as he seem to be enjoying it "More daddy, more, I've been naughty"

"Ok that's it" Fred said as she quit the show, it was just too weird for her.

Suddenly, Dawn's stomach shoots a beam of light "It's coming, it's coming!" Dawn shrieks as she falls to the ground. The beam reveals the form of a very annoying woman "get out, get out, GET OUT!" Dawn shrieks as she falls into a coma. The light goes and we can see who the annoying woman is. The Marti.

Buffy, Giles, Oz, Angel and Connor look in horror. They though The Marti was gone. But she's back. The Marti disappears.

"No! She's back!" Why?" Buffy begins to cry.

Wesley arrives in a Wolfram and Hart helicopter "She plan this from the beginning" he started to explain "She needed to enter in this world. So she used the most annoying characters to give birth to herself"

"Of course! The Bleach blonde vampires" said Willow as she and Tara came in after they had finished their lovemaking.

"Yes. It was birth pains" Wesley continues "She drove you here so you wouldn't find out what she was doing"

"What did she do?" Willow asks in her gay way.

"She kidnap Spike" Wesley answered.

"No! Spike is MINE!" Buffy stated.

"Why don't you shut the hell up!" Tara said stepping out of her sweet character "We need to get to Sunnydale you morons"

"Tara's got a backbone! She's doing an out of character thing!" Buffy points out.

"It's the Marti" Willow says "She's changing things! She could make magic addicted!"

The group decides to go back to the Hellmouth. Buffy, Angel, Wesley, Tara, Willow and Oz got on Angel's car and take the magical way to Sunnydale. Giles takes Connor upstairs. Cordy gets cast in a movie. Faith gets out of prison. And everyone forgets that Dawn's still in England in a coma.


	5. The Chosen nude!

**Part 5. The chosen nude.**

Buffy, Wesley, Tara and Oz ride a school bus full of potential slayer back to Sunnydale. Apparently, The Marti wanted to end the slayer line too. They left Angel in LA, because he's stupid and lame. And Willow was left at rehab after The Marti made her addicted to magic, and crack, and coke, and pot, and very expensive bottled water.

The bus arrives to the Summers household. Buffy comes in and finds Xander and Anya having sex. Tara comes in too "Hey! Stop with the graphic sex or I'll kick your asses" Tara threaten.

"Whoa! What's with Tara acting like she has guts?" Xander asks.

"The Marti's back" Buffy says putting her hands on hips.

"No. She'll make us act in several bad after school specials!" Anya said as she dyes her hair purple.

Before anyone could say anything, the 40 or 60 extras-I mean, potential slayers, come into the house. A potential named Kennedy decides she doesn't want to be just an extra so she moves her name to the opening credits "Ok people, listen up, we need a plan" Kennedy demanded.

"Wait, you can't just become part of the gang like that" Xander points out.

"Yeah bitch! It took me three years to get in the opening credits" Tara stated.

"Besides, Tara's not dead, so I don't see why we need another lesbian around" Anya said.

"I want to be the star of the show. I don't care who I have to sleep with" Kennedy tells them.

"Who did you sleep with?" Anya asks because she likes sex.

"Some guy name Spike"

Buffy couldn't stop rolling her eyes. Anya dyed her hair pink in protest. Xander went to get something to eat and Tara killed several potentials. Wesley and Oz, who were still there, decide to look for Spike. They take Buffy cause is her show. Kennedy goes with them, because she thinks she needs to be in every freaking scene.

The group takes the bus to the high school. Principal Wood was standing there waiting for Buffy "Buffy, when I gave you this job I expected you to actually work, not run off wherever you want" He reminded her.

"I don't have time. I need to find Spike" The slayer said.

"Spike? Why he's the same guy who killed my mother, Nikki the vampire slayer" The principal realizes.

"What? Is that why you gave me this job?" Buffy asks.

"No. I wanted to sleep you" he answered.

"Oh. Well you can't. You can sleep with Faith if you want" Buffy said as Faith comes into scene. Faith and Wood start having sex outside the school.

Buffy and her group go to the school basement. They find Spike being pulled down the seal "Spike!" Buffy screams.

"Pet!" Spike says as he's pulled down the Hellmouth.

Buffy jumps in alone. In the Hellmouth, Buffy finds that The Marti is about to have sex with Spike "So that was your plan" The slayer interrupt them "You wanted to have sex with Spike! But that could take down all the buildings in the world"

"HAHAHAHA! Yes, that was my plan. Spike the chosen nude. You know the drill 'Into each generation a nude one is strip, he alone will have the strength and skill to have unbelievable, physically impossible sex for hours and hours'. And you can't stop me" The Marti mocks as she summons the uber-Martis so Buffy can't stop her.

Buffy didn't know what to do. Then, a creepy old lady comes to her and hands her the scythe "You know what to do" The old lady says, then she snaps her own neck before she can say anything useful.

Buffy turns around to se Xander, Willow, Tara, Dawn, Riley, Cordelia, Oz, Angel, Giles and Anya, the potentials and Principal Wood, Faith and Wesley, all standing there. Buffy looks at the cast and suddenly knew what she had to do.

Buffy started a very long speech "I hate this. I hate being here. I hate that you have to be here (she points to Riley, Dawn, Angel, Kennedy and some of the potentials). I hate that there's wild sex and that Spike was chosen to have it. I wish I were having sex with Spike right now. But this isn't about wishes. This is about choices. I believe we can beat this bitch. Not when she's on top of Spike... now. Right now you're asking yourself 'What is Buffy on crack or something?' It's true none of us are naked like Spike. So here's the part where you make a choice. What if we could all be naked... now? In every generation, one nude one is strip... because The Marti only wanted to see Spike naked. I say we change rules. I say if Spike is naked and has wild sex... we'll all be naked and have wild sex. Willow I want to use the essence of the scythe to change our destiny (Buffy hands Willow the scythe, and Willow start the spell). From now on, everyone who could be naked... will be naked (All of them start to take off their clothes). Everyone who could have wild sex... will have wild sex (An orgy start). Can get off... will get off (In all parts of the world, potentials slayers start to get naked and have orgasm. In school, at work, meeting their boyfriend's parents, on national TV). Nude people... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be naked?

The naked potentials start to attack the uber-Martis, because the spell also gave them slayer powers. The naked cast members and special guest star also got slayer powers and start attacking too. Naked Buffy fights The Marti. The Marti changes into her demon form, that's strangely looks like Barney, and the fight begins. The stunt doubles give their best performance. The fight lasts about an hour.

Suddenly, Spike's amulet, which he was wearing all this time, starts to glow. Light shoots from it and kills The Marti and the uber-Martis and starts destroying Sunnydale. Everyone heads to the elevator to escape. Buffy goes to Spike "Spike enough! I need you alive so we can have wild sex!"

"Go Buffy. I wanna go down as a bloody hero. 'Sides, I'm starring on Angel next season" Spike tells her as he turns into dust. Buffy runs for her life.

They all get into the bus, but they leave Kennedy and Riley to fall down in the crater. Angel turns to dust, because is daylight. After they get far enough, they stop. Wesley calls the Wolfram and Hart helicopter to take his boss's ashes to LA, because vampires always return from the dead over there. Anya takes a box full of money she manages to save and runs. Oz took some naked slayer with him as he left too. Willow and Tara start having sex. Faith and Wood start having sex. Cordelia and Xander start having sex. After the sex ends, they all join Buffy who is looking at crater.

"Well, we're screwed now" Cordelia pointed out "There goes our money and properties"

"Chill out Cordelia, Buffy's not the one and only anymore" Faith said.

"Yeah, now there are like millions of teenage girls with superpowers they don't understand around the world. And many of them will probably use them to hurt or kill people" Dawn said.

"I can feel them Buffy. They're everywhere" Willow said.

"The slayers?" Giles asks.

"No, Tara's fingers" Everybody got uncomfortable over Willow's comment.

Faith decided to change the subject "So Buffy, who are you gonna sleep with now?"

"Yeah, Spike is dust. You can do whoever you want" Willow said.

"Yeah, Buffy who are you gonna do now?" Dawn asks her sister, Buffy just smiles.

**Extra part. Who are you gonna do now?**

Buffy was in Europe with the person she always wanted. The real man she needed. Not that broody Angel. Not the perverted Spike. Not the gay Scott. Not the bastard Parker and not the boring Riley.

The real guy for her. She was happy to be in the arm of Owen. You know, that guy she dated in season one. He became a successful writer and is filthy rich. And he was still obsessed with Buffy, so she took advantages of that. Now she has money and a hot boyfriend that has pulse.

As for the others: Dawn's trapped in a boarding school for the rest of her life. Willow and Tara opened a chain of Magic boxes. Xander and Cordelia got back together. Faith dumped Wood's ass. And Giles and Connor lived happily ever after.

THE END


End file.
